Heightened sensitivity

Ah the joys of new awareness. I find that, since embarking on my MAPP (Masters in Applied Positive Psychology), I am now more aware of the positive potential, and more sensitive when that is not embraced – or worse, when it is given lip-service but not followed through.

Three recent examples…

1. a meeting in which a client wished to “brainstorm” possibilities, and then shot down every idea that was raised immediately after it was voiced.

2. a class of college students that I’m teaching know all about their weaknesses, but no one has ever shown them their strengths (until my class)

3. a teacher’s “communication book” that comes home only when there is bad news to report on the child’s behaviour.

I’m learning – so slowly – how to balance between allowing the status quo and comfort zone, and moving myself and others forward into the brand new world of positive psychology.

I know, for example, that brainstorming can be a hugely positive and opening experience, but the first rule of true brainstorming is to defer judgement, allow off-beat ideas, and build on what’s been presented. You don’t get the full scope of possibilities otherwise. And if you want to shoot down ideas, that’s fine, but don’t expect creative solutions, don’t expect collaboration, and certainly don’t expect positive forthcomingness! (Yes, I just made up that word…)

I also realize that we are inclined to focus on the negatives. Whether that’s nature or nurture, I’m not sure – though I’m leaning towards nature – but it’s so sad to stand in front of a class of 40 college students, and ask “Who knows their strengths?” and see only 2 or 3 tentative hands rise. Yet when I ask, “Who knows their weaknesses?”, nearly every hand goes up, and most of them confidently with knowing nods. I am hoping to plant a few positive seeds and allow my students to acknowledge and apply their unique sets of strengths.

And finally, a personal quirk with teachers. I used to be one – I taught high school for seven years. I know that doesn’t exactly qualify me as an expert, but it was my first career, and it does provide me with some insight. I know how tough it is to stay positive, and how easy it is to spend 90% of your time on the handful of students who make life difficult. But I also know, from my own experience, how rewarding it is to focus on the positive, and to include the parents in shining that positive light on the students.

When the teacher sends home a notebook that is titled “Communications Book”, I honestly expect that to be used for parent-teacher communications. However, in reality, it is a “bad news book”. As I look back over the pages, the book has come home only about 4 times in the past 5 months, and each page has a bad news story on it – about something my child did wrong. I appreciate knowing that, and I want to know that so I can help set things right. But what’s even more compelling – and more important – is the other (majority of) days when the child has done something right. Another teacher understands this and sends home a mini report-card weekly, and my child enjoys getting “happy face” stickers on a regular basis.

So it’s a balancing act. As a college instructor, my role is clearer, but as a consultant and parent, there’s much more gray.

How do you manage it? How do you decide when to push for the positive, and when to settle for the status quo deficit-thinking? Or maybe you never settle… and how does that work for you? Looking forward to hearing what you  have to share.